Tonight, I had a revelation. I was watching my celeb crush, Mr. Kevin James, in “Here Comes the Boom,” and it hit me.
I need to expect more.
By this,I don’t mean I need to hold out for Kevin James because I am fairly certain he is married.
I don’t exactly quite know how to sum up what I mean but I will try to explain it.
In the movie, Kevin James’s character has a crush on Salma Hayek’s character. He asks her out several times, and she always says no. One time, he asked her, “Why do you always tell no?”
She says, “Well, first of all, have you ever noticed how every time you ask me out, you are sitting down.”
He explained something about how comfortable he is with her.
As I thought about this later, I realized it makes a lot of sense. Why would someone ever say yes to someone who isn’t even willing to stand up when the he asks them out in the first place?
I felt empowered.
Yes, getting into your mid-to- lateish 20’s and still not finding the right person can be scary. Isn’t being with someone who doesn’t stand up for you even scarier though?
I know I can’t be the only one who has lowered my expectations to compensate for the fear of being alone.
I am sure a lot of us single ladies out there do it and we don’t even realize it.
We mask it with a lot of excuses. We say they don’t call because they hate the phone. We say they don’t ask us out because they are busy at work. We say they only text because “Guys just don’t communicate in person that well.” We tell ourselves that we have unreasonably high expectations based on our fathers, brothers, friend’s husbands, and fairy tale characters.
No matter how we may mask it, we are lowering our expectations. We are saying its okay for guys to passively show some sort of interest in us, instead of pursuing us.
I in NO way am an expert on this topic, but I have just realized this isn’t okay.
I think I may be speaking for many single Christian girls out there who just feel like the guys out there aren’t meeting expectations.
I am not saying I expect some guy to fall all over me, send flowers weekly, plan extravagant dates, and call constantly. I know that is also unrealistic.
I’m just saying we need to expect more from the guys we like, date, marry etc. We need to expect them to pursue Christ passionately, pursue us, stand up for us, and fight for us.
Well, because Ephesians 5 paints us a picture of a Godly relationship.
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25″ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wivesas their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” 5 :25-33
You see, if at the liking, talking, or dating stage, if the men in our lives aren’t stepping it up, what makes you think they will when you marry them?
How can we expect them to love us as Christ loves the church, if they can’t pursue us in the way Christ pursues us?
Guys out there: We don’t expect extravagance, but we do expect you to pursue us. Stand up.
Girls: (me included.)- We need to expect more. We need to hold the men in our lives to a higher standard so that we will be able to respect them and submit to them.
Remember the One who first loved us. He loves us and pursues us SO passionately. He cares for us and has plans better than even our own.
He is telling us to rest in Him, abide in Him, and delight ourselves in Him.
Whether you get married next month, next year, in 10 years, or never, God is always in control.
He wants what is best for us, but that means sometimes we need to let go of what may be good, and hold on to something Greater.
God’s best is always the best.
(Just some random thoughts rollin’ around in my brain.)