fill me up.

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Yep. It’s confession time again.

I know… It is almost 11 o’clock on a school night and I am blogging. Crazy.

The confession.

Although I have tried for years to rebel against it. I think I have been a “Martha” lately. You know, that one girl in the bible always doing other things for people and gets mad at Mary for just sitting there hanging out with Jesus. Not exactly biblically accurate, but you get the idea, right?

I love serving people. I love serving at church. I love making people feel special. I always remember birthdays, details, etc. I love thinking of nice things to do for people.

I have a lot of people in my life to spread out all this nice-doing on.

I never really noticed that my “niceness” was a problem, until I had kind of a meltdown today, over a stupid, little silly detail. No need to go into details, but lets just say I felt kind of sinful.

I was starting to get this little voice in my head that said, “Look at what you did here. No one cared or even noticed.” “They don’t care.” “They don’t realize.” ” You aren’t important.”

I started to believe the lies, again! Uggh. Stupid lies.

Through a conversation with an honest friend and God’s revelation in my heart, I realized  that while it is good to do things for others, I needed to make sure that my heart was in the right place.

Even though sometimes in my heart, I feel that my motives are right, and glorifying to God, they can be sinful. The key is to make sure that I have filled myself up enough with the love of Jesus, before I go out and love others.

If I don’t do that, then I am just loving them with my own limited, expectant, selfish, jealous, ugly heart.  When I let God be my strength, joy, and supply, then the love I give is an overflow of what it is in my heart from God. Then and only then is loving others fulfilling.

I am making this struggle public, because I feel like there are other people out there like me. People who love to give and make people feel important.

I feel like one of my God given calls in life is help people understand that they matter, they are loved, and that they are special.

I know that I can’t fulfill what God wants to do with my gift unless I focus it on Him. I need Him to fill me up so that I can love this world that needs him so so much.

I thought of some verses to help combat the lies that us givers sometimes face.

  • Lie 1: They don’t care about what you did. They didn’t even notice how much effort you put in.
  • Truth 1: People may not notice, but God looks at your heart. 1 Samuel 16:7
  • Lie 2: You aren’t important to anyone. They don’t care about you.
  • Truth 2: Wow, read Psalm 39 , or John 3:16, or even John 15:13, and you will know that even if people don’t think you are important, God sure does.
  • Lie 3: Just give up. It’s a hopeless situation.
  • Truth 3: I am still confident of this. I WILL see the goodness of God in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13 (NIV)

I know living a life of serving others can be tough at times. People don’t meet out expectations. They disappoint us. They, no matter how good they are cannot fill the space that only God can fill.

Let’s start this week by letting God fill up our hearts, so that we may love others out of the overflow of it.

He has given us all the power, love, wisdom, peace, patience, joy, grace, and self-control we need.

Take it abundantly and then share with others. It is the best gift you can ever give. 🙂

 

With Joy,

Miss Kim

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