Well, this week is not as busy as other weeks have been.

When things aren’t as busy, my deep thinkin’ starts.  This topic I am rambling about tonight is an interesting one. Not sure what direction it will take, but here it goes.

The other day I saw one of my Facebook friends re-post one of those pictures that circulate around. It said,(please don’t sue if I don’t get it verbatim.) “Women complain that chivalry is dead, but it went out right when they stopped being ladylike.”

I couldn’t find the quote to get it exact, but you get the jist.

That statement kind of stayed with me. I don’t want to be a traitor to my gender, but I have to say I agree. Men stopped being men because we stopped being ladies. I am not saying everyone is guilty. I know there are exceptions. I know I have been guilty.  I felt convicted.

I am no dating or marriage expert, but I do have an opinion on this topic I would like to present. Ladies, there are several areas in which we are failing to be the women that God has called us to be. The way I see it, we can either sit around and complain about the men in our lives(or lack of men.), or we can look at some ways we can help those men out.

  • Show Respect- This is key. It’s not something that comes naturally. Women by nature can show love and express feelings, but respect is different. The men in our lives desire respect from us. This means that we don’t talk down to them, and tell them all the things they aren’t. That means we show appreciation for all the things they do. We compliment and encourage them, instead of tearing them down. I read an article that said ” Women can literally destroy us with a comment.” I know we women see men as tough, but they get their feelings hurt too. If you admire something about that dad, friend, husband,co-worker, brother, boyfriend, etc…let them know. Ask them for help. Show them that you respect their intelligence. Taking these steps to respect the men in your life can go a long way in helping them become the men you want them to be. Plus, it’s biblical. Look up Ephesians 5:22-24. If you don’t like the word “submit,” read the Message version.
  • Stop Comparing Them: Okay girls, lets get real honest. Who hates it when you hear a guy talk about how hot so and so is or how awesome that girl is at baking, sports, fishing…etc.? It kind of makes you feel like you can’t measure up, right?   I know we don’t mean to, but don’t you think that when we say things like ” Channing Tatum is so hot,” or “Did you see what he bought for his girlfriend?” that we are doing the same thing?  We complain about the things they do wrong and then compare them to all those so-called perfect men out there.  There is only one perfect man out there, and he isn’t in romantic comedies. I am pretty sure Channing Tatum’s wife gets mad when he doesn’t take out the trash too. We are all flawed individuals. Point is, instead of comparing, we need to appreciate the men in our lives for who they are and celebrate them for that. A little off subject, but I just want to clear something up. I used Channing Tatum as a reference, but he is not my ideal dream guy. Albert Brennaman from Hitch has always kinda been my celebrity crush. I mean he is dorky, can make you laugh, and those dance moves. If he was a real person who loved Jesus… Anyways, I digress.
  • Be Supportive: You know ladies, sometimes men are just grown-up little boys. I am not meaning this in a derogatory way at all. I work with lots of little boys. I know under their tough exterior, their ego gets bruised so easily.Most of my days are spent helping them heal from something somebody said.  Think about it. Even at 25, if you get into a fight with a girlfriend, doesn’t it still kind of feel like 2nd grade when they took your “bff” necklace away? At that point, don’t you just  want someone to remind you of how awesome you are? Men, whether they are 6, 26, or 76, need people to tell them these things too. Use encouraging words. Show up for them when something important is going on. Ask  how you can pray for them, and be faithful about it. Be in their corner when the world is against them. Don’t minimize their pain or problem. Just be encouraging, caring, and supportive.

These are just a few things I have read or experienced that I thought may be helpful. I am not an expert and I have failed in this area several times. I know there are a lot of not so good guys out there. I am also blessed to know many godly, chivalrous, good  men. In my own life, as I prepare for the future, I have found that I as I pray for that person that I would like for God to bring into my life, the most helpful thing I can do is pray for myself. Pray to become the kind of woman that God desires for me to be. I know I fall short of that all the time, but I believe that God is molding me into the woman he wants me to be.

So ladies, if you want to men to be men, we have got to learn to be ladies. A good place to start is on your knees. Also, reading Proverbs 31 helps a lot. All through the godly wife section, you see her character. She respects her husband. She respects others. She works hard. She says kind words. She shows others the heart of God.

As you get to the end you see that as she respects and loves her husband, he shows her the love and respect she deserves.

“Many women have done wonderful things,  but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!” Proverbs 31:29-31.

I really hope one day someone can say that about me. I hope someone can say that about you too!


With Joy.

Miss Kim

the chivalry/ladylike controversy


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