Monthly Archives: May 2012

lose it.

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I have a confession to make.

“My Fair Wedding: With David Tutera,” is one of my most favorite shows. I have it on Netflix now, and I have watched several episodes.  Yes, it is a wedding show, and I do like it because you get to look at dresses, cakes, flowers, and all that fun stuff.  As I watched tonight, I realized there is another reason I like it.

To further explain myself, I first need to explain the particular episode I watched tonight.

For those of you who aren’t David Tutera fans, he is a wedding planner. Brides write to him for help with their weddings. If you get picked to be on the show, he comes 3 weeks before your wedding. The bride shows him all of the details of her wedding- the dress, the bridesmaid attire, flowers, centerpieces, venue, food ideas, everything she has planned. She talks about why the theme or idea is special, and they spend some time together.

Once she has explained everything, David’s job  is to take her rough(sometimes really rough) vision, and turn it into something beautiful. She has to relinquish all control  and in exchange he will make her dreams come true. (Sounds a bit familiar to me)

This particular bride had a vision. She met her man on a field trip to the zoo, so they wanted to have this whole African safari theme(Season 3 episode 16 on Netflix).  She had planned a lot of things, most of them were zebra print. She had been in control  of all the details, and just had to hand them over and relax. She didn’t like not being in control, and she had to take a while to adjust to change. ( As I fellow control freak, I totally felt her pain.)

She had to watch him change her wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, food, venue, and all kinds of stuff. David kept telling her, “Just trust me. I am taking your vision and just making revisions.” He was really trying to make everything beautiful. She very emotional over the whole experience.

She had a meltdown about the bridesmaid dresses.  She had her girls in long black and zebra print dresses with sequins, which were kinda more tacky than classy. He showed her 3 choices for the dresses. None of them were zebra and she started to freak out. Like full on tears and hateful comments. When he asked her what she was really upset about she said, ” I just can’t see what your direction is and that scares me.” Oh boy, can I relate to that feeling!

He reassured her and calmed her down, but even on her wedding day she was nervous about all of these changes. Then, one by one, she got to see how he had taken her vision and turned it into something so beautiful. She got to have her wedding in a wildlife place with real zebras. All those details she was so freaked out about, worked out perfectly fine. In fact, when he showed her and her new husband the reception area, he asked ” How did I do with your vision?” She said, “You turned it into more than I hoped for.”

Then I got choked up. (yes, over a wedding show. I am not apologizing for it either.)

I thought,” I do that to God all the time.”

I have in my head what I think life should look like. I have so many plans, dreams, and visions floating around. Even though I claim God is in control, sometimes the control freak inside me wants to take the reins. Then, I start to worry, become anxious, and freak out. I start to think that nothing will ever work out the way I hope it will. I go into panic mode. I have my own version of the meltdown over the bridesmaid dresses.

All the time I am freaking out, God is saying, ” Kim, I see your vision. I know your heart. I know you have dreams and desires. I just need to revise them a bit. Don’t worry though because I am working them out for your good, and most ultimately My glory.” I wonder if he gets tired of repeating that to me.

You see, I don’t need to worry about money, where to live, where to work, how to spend my extra time, who to marry etc. I can obsess over it, or I can just do something.  I read a book called that today, and it has reshaped my perspective for the better. I can choose to act on what I do know, and let the other stuff work out as it comes. I can choose to seek God first, practice his commands to love Him, love others, be joyful, give thanks, and pray continually. I can renew my heart through His word, and be faithful to Him. These are the things that God commands.  He doesn’t tell you to choose between living in Texas or Ohio in the Bible. He tells you to live your live in a way that directs others to Him.

You see God is in the details. He is in everything. He wants what is best for you.  What’s best of each of as Christians is a life that glorifies and honors Him. We don’t need to freak out over the other stuff. We just need to put our hope, trust, and future in the hands of God.

You plan for your life may be beautiful, but God’s reaches far beyond what you could ever hope for yourself.  After all Psalm 139 does say that he knows us better than we know us.

I know that as I learn to surrender my plans to His that when He reveals them to me I can say, ” Wow God!  Your plan is so much more beautiful than anything I could of hoped for.”

He wants to wow us. We should really let him.

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” Proverbs 16:9(NLT)

“If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” Luke 9:24(NLT)

Who says you can’t learn from reality TV?

With Joy,

Miss Kim

Aside

Well, this week is not as busy as other weeks have been.

When things aren’t as busy, my deep thinkin’ starts.  This topic I am rambling about tonight is an interesting one. Not sure what direction it will take, but here it goes.

The other day I saw one of my Facebook friends re-post one of those pictures that circulate around. It said,(please don’t sue if I don’t get it verbatim.) “Women complain that chivalry is dead, but it went out right when they stopped being ladylike.”

I couldn’t find the quote to get it exact, but you get the jist.

That statement kind of stayed with me. I don’t want to be a traitor to my gender, but I have to say I agree. Men stopped being men because we stopped being ladies. I am not saying everyone is guilty. I know there are exceptions. I know I have been guilty.  I felt convicted.

I am no dating or marriage expert, but I do have an opinion on this topic I would like to present. Ladies, there are several areas in which we are failing to be the women that God has called us to be. The way I see it, we can either sit around and complain about the men in our lives(or lack of men.), or we can look at some ways we can help those men out.

  • Show Respect- This is key. It’s not something that comes naturally. Women by nature can show love and express feelings, but respect is different. The men in our lives desire respect from us. This means that we don’t talk down to them, and tell them all the things they aren’t. That means we show appreciation for all the things they do. We compliment and encourage them, instead of tearing them down. I read an article that said ” Women can literally destroy us with a comment.” I know we women see men as tough, but they get their feelings hurt too. If you admire something about that dad, friend, husband,co-worker, brother, boyfriend, etc…let them know. Ask them for help. Show them that you respect their intelligence. Taking these steps to respect the men in your life can go a long way in helping them become the men you want them to be. Plus, it’s biblical. Look up Ephesians 5:22-24. If you don’t like the word “submit,” read the Message version.
  • Stop Comparing Them: Okay girls, lets get real honest. Who hates it when you hear a guy talk about how hot so and so is or how awesome that girl is at baking, sports, fishing…etc.? It kind of makes you feel like you can’t measure up, right?   I know we don’t mean to, but don’t you think that when we say things like ” Channing Tatum is so hot,” or “Did you see what he bought for his girlfriend?” that we are doing the same thing?  We complain about the things they do wrong and then compare them to all those so-called perfect men out there.  There is only one perfect man out there, and he isn’t in romantic comedies. I am pretty sure Channing Tatum’s wife gets mad when he doesn’t take out the trash too. We are all flawed individuals. Point is, instead of comparing, we need to appreciate the men in our lives for who they are and celebrate them for that. A little off subject, but I just want to clear something up. I used Channing Tatum as a reference, but he is not my ideal dream guy. Albert Brennaman from Hitch has always kinda been my celebrity crush. I mean he is dorky, can make you laugh, and those dance moves. If he was a real person who loved Jesus… Anyways, I digress.
  • Be Supportive: You know ladies, sometimes men are just grown-up little boys. I am not meaning this in a derogatory way at all. I work with lots of little boys. I know under their tough exterior, their ego gets bruised so easily.Most of my days are spent helping them heal from something somebody said.  Think about it. Even at 25, if you get into a fight with a girlfriend, doesn’t it still kind of feel like 2nd grade when they took your “bff” necklace away? At that point, don’t you just  want someone to remind you of how awesome you are? Men, whether they are 6, 26, or 76, need people to tell them these things too. Use encouraging words. Show up for them when something important is going on. Ask  how you can pray for them, and be faithful about it. Be in their corner when the world is against them. Don’t minimize their pain or problem. Just be encouraging, caring, and supportive.

These are just a few things I have read or experienced that I thought may be helpful. I am not an expert and I have failed in this area several times. I know there are a lot of not so good guys out there. I am also blessed to know many godly, chivalrous, good  men. In my own life, as I prepare for the future, I have found that I as I pray for that person that I would like for God to bring into my life, the most helpful thing I can do is pray for myself. Pray to become the kind of woman that God desires for me to be. I know I fall short of that all the time, but I believe that God is molding me into the woman he wants me to be.

So ladies, if you want to men to be men, we have got to learn to be ladies. A good place to start is on your knees. Also, reading Proverbs 31 helps a lot. All through the godly wife section, you see her character. She respects her husband. She respects others. She works hard. She says kind words. She shows others the heart of God.

As you get to the end you see that as she respects and loves her husband, he shows her the love and respect she deserves.

“Many women have done wonderful things,  but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!” Proverbs 31:29-31.

I really hope one day someone can say that about me. I hope someone can say that about you too!

 

With Joy.

Miss Kim

the chivalry/ladylike controversy

get up off the floor.

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Almost exactly one year ago, I had just finished what I thought would be the most important interview of my life.

I thought I knew which direction I was going and where God was leading.

He was leading, but just not where I had imagined. It would be a little over 2 months from that interview day before I saw His plan revealed.

It would take even longer for me to understand the plan he had.

Working for my company and being placed at Irving Elementary is not something I ever imagined as part of God’s plan. 

I also didn’t plan on staying in Tahlequah, but again God had a different plan.

I am so thankful that He knows better than I do.

Last Friday was our last day of school and I wrapped up my 1st  year at Irving Elementary. A school that wasn’t my first choice when I had my options of places to go. It really wasn’t even on my radar. I didn’t even know it was “my school” until 12 hours before I walked in the door. (For a planner, this lack of knowing in advance was no fun)

I can’t really imagine my life any differently.

Today I thought back to my first full day as their Behavior Rehabilitation Specialist (fancy title, I know. Be impressed.) The principal and school counselor were gone, and there was a very anxious boy who had thrown himself on the floor because he didn’t want his mom to leave.

I remember the secretary coming in my closet/office and saying, ” You are like a counselor right? Well, there is a kid we need you to go deal with.” 

I spent two hours getting that boy from the office to his classroom. I didn’t know him. I found out pretty quickly he was one of my newly inherited clients I had yet to meet. I am sure several times in that time I asked ” God, is this really what you want me to do?” I may have even though, ” What in the world have I gotten myself into!?”

To this date, it has been one of the hardest days I have had at that school. You know what though? That boy got to his class. As I walked away from the classroom, I could see my car clearly from the window. I thought, ” I could get in the car and drive away and never look back.”

I am so glad I didn’t. 

God reassured me that day in that still quietness that He was and is always in control. Nothing surprises Him. Nothing worries Him. 

I was going to stay there and pour myself into those kids lives. 

As anyone who works with kids knows, investing in their lives can bring you the biggest joy and the deepest hurt. Seeing them soar can make your heart feel like it’s about to burst. Seeing them turn and walk away from it all can tear that same heart in two.

Let me tell you about my dear student that was flat on the floor on my first day. He is now thriving! He is social, outgoing, and has made many friends. He is my rulekeeper, timekeeper, counter, and keep-me-in liner. He never lets us play a game or do an activity unless he has the instructions in his hands. He asks questions about everything and tells some pretty awesome jokes. He cares about others. He used to hate the fact he had to leave his momma for 7 hours while he was at school. Now he wants to be in the Air Force and defend our country.

Could God have still worked in this kid if I wasn’t working with him? Yes! God doesn’t need me to carry out his purposes.  I am really glad though that He lets me help Him and get in on the blessing!

There are 32 “official” (and a few dozen unofficial) other children that I have been so blessed to build a relationship with over this past year. They all have such amazing stories. They have all grown. They have changed me for the better as well.

I started out my new job kinda like my friend on the floor. Deciding to accept that job was a tough decision. I wrestled with doubt, fear,and letting others down. I prayed. I cried. I talked  about it . Finally, I surrendered my dreams to God’s bigger picture. 

I am so glad I surrendered.

Two years ago, God planted a vision in my heart. He ignited a passion to minister to children and help them to learn, grow, and understand His love for them.

Did I expect Him to decide to keep me at FBC and work at an elementary school? No. I really thought I would be off somewhere as a Children’s Minister by now. I am really glad I didn’t get what I thought I needed. God’s plans reach far beyond what I think they are sometimes. 

As the pieces of this puzzle come together, I just get to stand back and look at this life He has given me. Is it exactly what I thought it would be? No. Is it is exactly what God wants it to be? Yes!

This year hasn’t always been my favorite. I have cried, laughed, yelled, and experienced every range of emotion. I have learned a lot of lessons (some in the absolute hardest way!).  I don’t think I would change a thing about it. 

I am once again so thankful to serve an Awesome God, be a part of an amazing church and children’s ministry, have a super supportive group of  family/friends,and have a job that challenges me and brings me joy everyday. 

I still have moments I want to throw myself on the floor. There are still so many question marks in my future. Experiences I have yet to have. Risks I have yet to take. Dreams that I believe will still come true.

Sometimes, I have no idea how it will all work out. My type A-ness wants to know the plan and the 3 back-up plans, in case that doesn’t work out.

My dear friends like to remind me at this point that I don’t always have to have everything figured out.

When my control freak-ness tries to take over, I pray and then I have this peace and hope. I don’t understand it all.   

The beauty is I don’t have to . God has been working in my life for a little over a quarter of a century now, and will continue until the day I meet him face to face.

All I need to know about the future can pretty much be summed up into this verse (forgive me. I think I have blogged it before.)

 

“What a God! His road  stretches straight and smooth. Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him  Makes it.” Psalm 18:30 MSG

“As for God, his way is perfect: 
    The Lord’s word is flawless; 
    he shields all who take refuge in him.” Psalm 18:30 NIV

 

Thank you for reading this long rambling. Thank you to all of the very special people in my life. Your encouragement, counsel, wisdom, love, friendship, laughs, cries, phone calls, vent sessions, texts, junk food binges, shopping trips, girl’s days, game nights,dinners, movie nights, and prayers have all been instrumental in me surviving my first year in the public school system. I love you all more than I could ever verbalize.

 

With joy,

Miss Kim

 

Aside

Today was the almost last day of school. I can already feel  the emotions rushing.

It’s a bittersweet thing for me. Always has been.

I am that nerd who has always loved school.

Today was kindergarten graduation, assemblies for 1st-5 th, and 6 th grade promotion is tonight.

I think the end of school always makes me sad because I am not a big fan of change. I like schedules, routines, and steadiness. The start of things always freak me out, and the ends of things make me sad. I am a fan of the middle. The time where you hit that stride and keep tracking along.

True to self, I can be contradictory. While I have a great dislike for change, I have a greater dislike for complacency.

I never want to stop learning, growing, setting goals, and achieving.

It really is a paradox. Hating change but fearing what happens if you don’t.

I walk the fine line of having a balanced steady life, filled with adventure, challenges, and new experiences.

As I discovered this, I realized most of the unpleasant feelings I have with change center around people. I love people. I like being around them. I don’t like it when they disappear for a while, move away, or just want to stop being my friend. In the steadiness of a routine, you find consistency in people. When the situation changes and the people are gone, the dynamic changes.

I also discovered that complacency fear comes from being scared of not taking risks. I don’t want to wake up one morning and say, ” Man, I wish I would have taken that chance.” I want to be able to seize every opportunity I have. I want to make the most of this life that God chooses to give to me everyday. I want to work harder, become stronger, and press onward towards the prize.

So in this delicate dance of change and complacency, I have found another “c” words to help me along.

Contentment.

The only thing that saves me from being an emotional wreck every time change comes my way is knowing that I have a relationship with the one Constant God who never changes.

The only thing that keeps me from complacency is contentment in this relationship with God. Knowing that He has a plan. Sometimes I am called to move, sometimes I am called to stay, and sometimes I have to just be still and know.

Contentment-noun- being satisfied. having ease of mind.

You see. As much as I hate it, life changes. It moves pretty fast. At the same times, you can grow weary waiting for the fulfillment of things yet to come.

The only reprieve for this is the One who gives us all we need. The One who brings peace to our minds that surpasses all understanding.

He brings contentment. He is good.

In a world where nothing is certain, we can look to the One who created the world and everything in it.

He is our King. He is our Hope. He makes our yoke light. He is our joy. He is our constant.

Our only contentment can be found in Him.

“I’m glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you’re again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don’t mean that your help didn’t mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.” Philippians 4:10-14 (MSG)

 

With joy,

Miss Kim

 

the 3 “c’s”…

Aside

Okay, I seriously had just spent about 30 minutes writing and then lost all my work.

There are many things to update about. I had a great week. Lots of fun experiences. I may have to chronicle them  at a later time.

Today is Mother’s Day. I had a great day with my family both at church and home, and I really hope you did too. I wrote about our fun adventures in the “deleted” post, but I will be sure to update you later.

Now, more than ever, I appreciate my mom. Working with kids all day at school and church, I see a lot of bleak family situations. I see moms who could care less about their kids. I see moms who chose drugs, men, or alcohol over their precious babies. I see moms who have abandoned and some who are just too wrapped in their own problems to deal with anyone else.

My heart breaks for the amazing, beautiful children who never asked for their life to be like that.

Mom and I were talking about it, and this is our biggest question for God. “Why do some people get kids they really don’t want, when others try for years and never have any?”

I know God is faithful, just, and sovereign. He has a plan way bigger than my mind can comprehend.

I do know this.

I was blessed with a mom who puts needs of other people before her own. A mom who taught me to serve, love, and show respect with kindness. A mom who is always there in the front row as my cheerleader. A mom who pushes me to chase my dreams, and encourages me when life doesn’t go as expected. A mom who lets me be me, and accepts me for who I am.

I am also blessed to have women in my life that have been like mothers to me in different situations. Other ladies to help me along in my journey as I grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

I am so thankful for all the examples of motherhood I have had in my life. God must think I am pretty special to put these ladies in my life that care abut me so much!

I only hope  that one day God blesses me with a family, and that I can teach my children the same lessons you have taught me. I hope that I can grow into the example of womanhood that each of you are. There is so much more I could say, but it would take days.

Mommas out there, thank you for all you do! Thank you for praying for us, teaching us, taking care of us, and loving us.

Thank you, mom.

“Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”” proverbs 31:28-29

With joy,

Miss Kim

proverbs 31:28

fame.

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When I was a kid, I had a few dreams.

I wanted to be Snow White and have all the dwarfs as my friends.

I wanted to be a teacher.

I wanted to be a newscaster.

I wanted to be a mom.

I wanted to be a celebrity singer with many adoring fans.

I remember quite a few times belting out Reba, dancing to Ice Ice Baby, and singing with my cousins. In elementary school, my dad let me print off all kinds of Mariah Carey stuff and hang it up in my room.

I watched them on TV.  Everyone loved them. People wanted to be them. I wanted to be famous.

I thought it would be the coolest thing I could ever do.

I was wrong. Following Jesus is the coolest thing I have ever and will ever do.

He doesn’t care that I can’t sing, dance like a crazy fool, and will never be a celebrity.  He doesn’t care how good I am or what I do. He loves me for me. All that time I was looking to be famous, I was really looking to be accepted, loved, and adored.

Jesus gives you and me all of those things! Isn’t that incredible. When he looks at you he sees a beautiful, bright, and brilliant star. He sees someone he loved enough to die for.

The best part. We don’t have the earn His love. He just gives it. In abundance!

You wanna know something else? If you ever really want to feel like a “rockstar”, invest in the life of a child.

You see, I always thought I wanted to be famous. Turns out God had it as part of His plan all along.

When I walk down the halls at school, I see kids who are excited I am there. I when I help out in Kindergarten P.E., the kids think my “Mr. Fox” game is the best game ever. When I am at the store, some kids are shocked to see me there. To hear a child I ask, ” Did I do a good job?” makes me feel important and that my opinion matters.

It’s nice to be there for them when they are hurt or upset.

It’s nice to see them win, because I win too.

It makes my heart almost burst to see something click in their mind.

My job makes me feel like a rockstar.

I can’t help but think God planned it that way. That each time I get encouragement from a kid, co-worker, or friend, that is God saying, ” Keep it up.” Each time a child compliments me  that is God saying, ” You are my masterpiece.”  Each time I see a child go through a trial and come out on the other side, God is saying, “I am faithful. Trust me.”

To work with kids in both the school and church is a privilege and a huge blessing.

I may never make millions of dollars, be on the cover of a magazine, or have a hit record, but I am allowed to be on the front lines of making a difference every day.

Teacher appreciation week is starting. There are lots of noble professions, but I encourage each of you to thank our teachers! They are so important in the shaping of the future. More importantly, pray for them. They are up against so much and need some ammo in the spiritual war going on out there.

Remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing, if you are a child of God, you are precious in His eyes.

Let Him be the center of your life, and you will find all the fame you will ever need.

“He must become greater, I must become less.” John 3:30

 

With Joy,

Miss Kim