Well, I don’t know if you have looked at my “Maximizing your Singleness Bucket list,” but if you have recently looked, you may have noticed a few lines getting drawn through some stuff.
I am a list maker. It brings me great happiness to mark things off the list.
Originally, I had decided to blog each time I accomplished something. These things kinda sneaked up on me. I will be better in the future.
4. Going to the movies alone. I have chickened out on this one a few times. I always find an excuse not to do it. The reason this is on the list is because sometimes, I will really want to see a movie. My friends or mom can’t go, and I usually get this little little lie in my head that says “If you had a boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to worry about it.” That is a lie. Even when, I have had a boyfriend, they couldn’t always go either.
About a week ago, I was in Tulsa shopping for some different things. I went to Chipotle (my fave), and still needed to run to Target. I thought. I could go today. I looked at movie times, and I decided I would! I got my ticket. I got a kid’s pack and Buncha Crunch.(without any guilt) I sat in the middle of a row. I didn’t pretend I was waiting on someone. I didn’t act distracted with my phone. I sat there and watched it. I loved the experience. It is so fun to do something out of the ordinary. I know this isn’t a big deal to some people, but for someone constantly with people, it was cool to know I could do it on my own. I felt more brave.
8. Led someone to Christ and disciple them. This was actually one of the first things to happen with the list. Like I wrote on the list, my intention with this was not to get credit or glory, to push my beliefs on others, but to live my life in such a way that others would want to know why I have Hope. It happened so naturally. We were having a conversation and suddenly, they were asking. I got to explain the Gospel and they accepted. I talked to their family. We started meeting and learning more about God. God is at work in this precious person’s life. Each week I am amazed at the insight and knowledge they are gaining. The verses they have committed to heart. I can’t go into much detail on the internet, but I would love to share with you the whole story in person sometime! God has given me so much compassion for this sweet person. When they win, my heart soars. When they fail, my heart breaks. I wonder if it’s even 1/100 of how Jesus feels about me or you.
17. Speak my mind and give an opinion without worrying about hurting someone’s feelings. I enjoy making people happy. I enjoy it when they like me too. I don’t enjoy having to say hard things to people. Lately, I have been given a handful of opportunities to express my mind. Sometimes, I have chickened out, but then others, I say way I think..(okay usually more what I feel. I am a feeler.) You know what. The advice/opinions were hard to give and hard for the other people to take, but I feel that it was for the best. Our relationships have grown stronger, and not diminished. They didn’t like what I had to say sometimes, but they respected it. They are still my friends. I feel I am more accomplished in this area now. I have noticed an issue I have. I am either full throttle grace or as blunt as they come. I need a balance.
20. Doing something that scares me. Umm… to be honest a lot of things scare me. Forgive me if I am vague on this, but I have no idea who actually reads my blog, so I am going to be a bit vague. Again, I will spill all the details in person. If you want. Some time ago, a friend of mine from work asked me to go to the Ben Rector/NeedToBreathe concert. She was excited and told me she had a friend she “wanted me to meet.” It was someone that went to their church, and they though we would hit it off. I was hesitant because I had absolutely no details about this person. Two weeks before the concert, after much analyzing, I said I would go. The day of the concert, I was nervous. I don’t like situations where I don’t know what will happen. Not to mention the last person a friend “wanted me to meet,” was a DISASTER. I was 21 newly single, and he came to a dance with me. He talked about all sorts of weird stuff and left early to make it to the liquor store on time. I am so thankful he WASN’T the one. I had reason to be nervous. It went better than expected. The guy was nice. He was really involved in church, good job, good personality, not bad in the looks department(which has no bearing on my choices). More people ended up going with us. We ate dinner. We joked, We saw an AMAZING concert. Although nothing came of it, I feel it was a good experience for me to have. I hate surprises. I am awkward in new situations. I made it though and dd something that really scared me.
Goals in progress:
Hunger Games: I am 2/3 of the way through. Expect a full report soon.
5K: I have developed a cool system where I run one ringtone then walk one ringtone. (30 Seconds each) I am up to 3 miles. I am also training with my friend, Autumn, and our frenemy video trainer, Jillian Michaels. It has been a fun discipline to practice. Looking for a 5k to sign up for in a couple months.
Bible: Trying to decide between Philippians 4 and James 1. hmmmm.
Overseas: It’s on. Summer 2012. Lookout.
Being alone: Made it to 8:15PM yesterday. I needed to be around people after my reading marathon.
I am so glad that God put it in my heart to create this blog and this list. None of the goals are really that huge, but they have made impacts on my life in huge ways. I am learning that the “state of singleness” some people think is gloomy, is really a huge blessing. I still would love to get married and have a family, but I know that being on my own isn’t really holding me back from doing the things that I love. I have learned that I don’t always need to make people happy and that if they don’t like me, it’s not the end of the world. It is also their problem, not mine.
God is revealing to me that I buy into lies that I have to be someone I am not. He is revealing to me that I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am enough, just the way I am. My life is full and abundant whether I get married next year, 10 years from now, or never. I am His. Society doesn’t define me. He does. I feel I am growing. I feel I am learning how to be loved and how to truly love others. I am learning to be bold, independent, and confident. I am learning to embrace the person God made me, for better and worse. I am maturing.
So far this experience has given me so much freedom. Freedom to have adventures. Freedom to fail. Freedom to step on toes. Freedom to feel. Freedom to be me.
Thank you Jesus for the Freedom I have in you.